Kindergarten Math

Baxter came home yesterday, sporting this headband with squares colored all the way around: yellow-red-yellow-red-yellow-red... I asked him about it, and he said matter-of-factly, "It's my A-B pattern headband!" Let's hear it for hands-on math!

He's having his first sick day from school today, due to allergies and some mild asthma. When I told him this morning that I wanted him to stay home with me, he cried. "I want to go to schooooool....!" he sobbed. Jeez, guess he likes school!

"And it wasn't even hard!"

Baxter finished his first week of homework tonight, and much to his surprise, it was neither boring nor hard.

Before we started, he insisted that it would be boring, probably because he knew he needed to draw something and didn't feel that his artwork would be up to snuff.

"But what if it doesn't look like Owen?" he wondered.

"Don't worry, you can draw whatever you want," I assured him.

"Even scribble scrabble?"

"Even scribble scrabble. Some of the best artists paint scribble scrabble — remember that painting in the Olivia book [a Jackson Pollack]?"

Once we finished reading the book again, he chose marker as his medium for tonight's assignment. He asked how to draw a mouse, and I told him that he could draw it like the illustrator did, with big round ears and a long face. Then Baxter charged ahead and added Owen's blankie.



You can see the results above: one great picture and one happy boy. Baxter even took the picture of his handiwork. And then he proudly proclaimed, "And that wasn't even hard!"

All's Well

It appears that NOW the dust has settled. Baxter seems to be very happy at Jefferson and doesn't bring up Grattan much anymore. I have to say that yesterday he did ask how many days he'd been at Jefferson - he was trying to figure out how many days his friends at Grattan have been missing him. No self-concept problem with this child!

Kindergarten is cool. Baxter's class does reading buddies with a 3rd grade class - "They're going to teach us to read!" he said excitedly. His class went to the library yesterday and he spotted the dinosaur books. Last Friday they all brought in foods with seeds and then yesterday planted some seeds of their own. From the sound of things, his teacher did some great activities with them before the planting. They're also going on their first field trip (a walk to Golden Gate Park) on Friday, which he's very excited about.

His homework program started this week. For kindergarten, they send home a book each Monday and there are activities we do with it at home for 3 nights (look at and talk about the pictures first, read the book each night, and then have him draw a picture and write or dictate a sentence about his favorite part in a journal they gave him). The first book happens to be one of our very favorites ("Owen" by Kevin Henkes, a children's author I think is one of the absolute best) so he's having a great time. The books will rotate among the kids each week. He seems to think it's pretty cool to have homework. I'm curious to see if he gets any books we haven't already read!

So it seems like a very rich learning environment. Baxter's teacher has told me repeatedly how mature he is, how easily he shares "such interesting things" with the class (can you imagine what he's saying to them?!), and how "even" his temperament is. (I wish it were a little more even at home!!) All of this is making me very happy that we sent him on to kindergarten this year, young as he is.

He's also having fun playing with his new friends; apparently there was a great dinosaur game going on at recess yesterday. Matt has noticed that Baxter seems to have a crush on a very cute girl named Sophie - he apparently starts to lose his senses and act like a total goofball when he sees her. Guess that's hereditary.

The Best Kind of Praise

Baxter informed us that we "made a good choice" in sending him to Jefferson. Although we kinda knew that already, we were very happy to hear that he agreed.

Phew! What a week.

The school around the corner

I had one of those moments this morning where you see yourself from the outside, like you're watching yourself in a movie.

Here's what I saw:

A grown man, thirty-ish, walking down the street with one of those stainless steel commuter cups of coffee in one hand and half a cantaloupe in a Ziploc® bag in the other. His son is hanging off the strap of his Timbuk2 messenger bag, and he (the son) is saying "Okay, I'm holding on. You be the tug boat and pull me across the street!"

I had to smile. We're gonna like walking to school just fine.

Not quite.

I'd only add that Baxter was so comfortable with Jefferson today that I didn't get a chance to say goodbye: he was already seated "criss-cross applesauce" in front of the teacher, waiting for their morning story.

Enough said?

Baxter went right off to Jefferson again today as if he'd been doing it all his life.

"The Family That Sprays Together Stays Together"

This was the motto of my family, growing up. And with good reason; we were never far from our inhalers. Today we cordially welcomed Lyle to the Asthmatic Club, and as you can see, he and Baxter have more in common than ever.

After a great first day at Jefferson, Baxter and I walked home talking about the high points of his day at school. I had a Madeline cookie (his favorite) waiting for him in my bag to celebrate his, well, second first day. However, when I got home and picked up Lyle and held him for a few minutes, I heard a familiar wheezing sound coming from his stuffy little head. Within half an hour, the three of us were in the car on our way to the doctor, while I weighed the merits of taking him to the office v. the ER. In the end we went to the office, only because I found parking closest to the office, and shortly thereafter he was breathing medicated mist from a nebulizer machine. (Everyone in my family is nodding sagely with a slightly pained expression right now, I can guarantee it. Them's some strong genes there.)

It wasn't the way I envisioned this afternoon working out. (Gosh, have I said that before on this blog? "It wasn't the way I envisioned it" seems to be a recurring theme in this life we're leading.) I had set everything aside, including my plan to go set up my new office with my colleague Liesl tonight, in order to have a soothing afternoon and evening at home with the kids. You know, to try to keep everyone relaxed after the stress of the past few days. Instead I was holding a screaming, sweating baby with a nebulizer mask on his face, while his exhausted older brother took refuge on a chair he had dragged out into the hallway, with his hands over his ears, so he wouldn't hear the screaming. I'm pretty sure he was singing to himself to block out the crying, but how would I really know? Lyle's lungs were working better by then, and I was grateful.

But we got through the first day at the new school, and as Matt said, we're happy with our decision. So what if we've got gimpy lungs over here, at least we've got kindergarten figured out!

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised by Baxter's versatility at this point. After hearing Jordan's stories about his first visit to his new classroom and then witnessing his quiet attentiveness to Back-to-School Night, I should have expected him to take his first day at Jefferson in stride. But I was surprised at a lot of things: the way he ventured onto the monkey bars by himself when I gently insisted that I was going to talk to one of the other parents, the way he got in line the first time without prompting, the way he walked through a strange classroom and into his new classroom without once looking back to see if I was following him (I was).

Baxter got right into it, looking for a coat hook with his name on it and settling down on the rug in front of his teacher for their morning roll call. I waved a quick goodbye and was on my way.

But before I got out of the building, I got lots of reminders of why we liked this school in the first place. Baxter's teacher gave me an emergency contact card to fill out, so that they'd know how to find us even before the paperwork got transferred from his old school. The secretary in the office remembered that I was Baxter's dad and helped me through a pile of paperwork. She even made sure that we got our school T-shirts and sweatshirts so that Baxter could wear his on Friday, which is always school spirit day. Even the principal remembered me and asked how Baxter was doing. It felt like a school that — without being uptight — was being run by people who care about your kid and about doing things the right way.

Baxter and I chatted on the phone after his school day, and he assured me that everything went great:

"Yaknow what, Daddy?!?" (in that ridiculously enthusiastic, Dudley Do-Right voice of his)

"What, Baxter?"

"I don't have to do rest time at Jefferson!"

"Wow..." (Dad's less-than-enthused voice here; the boy needs more sleep than he's getting)

"Yeah, I know, that's great. Because I hate rest time at school!!"

"I'm sure you did, buddy."

There is just one word for this child today: brave. Baxter will be experiencing yet another first day of school tomorrow - this time at Jefferson Elementary School here in our neighborhood.

He found out about this plan as we were walking to the car after school today. Baxter was happily telling me about the lovely day he had with all of his friends, and I announced that he would never see them again. (Okay, that's how it felt to me. In reality, I spent about 5 minutes telling a long, flowery "Once upon a time there was a school that was hard to get into" type of story that had him so captivated that at the end he said, "And now I get to go there?!" as if he were the luckiest boy in the world. It took about 10 seconds for it sink in that this meant he was done at Grattan.) So he did what any of us would do: he cried. And he yelled at me. What he said was perfectly appropriate and well-articulated: "You and Daddy should NOT be allowed to make that choice for me. I should make it myself! And I choose Grattan!" Who wouldn't feel that way? I told him I understood, and that it's hard to leave a place that is comfortable and nice. I also stressed that it was a very difficult decision and that we thought about it for days. I explained matter-of-factly that when he gets older he will be able to help us choose his schools. But, I told him, when you are in kindergarten that's a choice for the grown-ups to make. We've had that conversation a few times today.

I must digress a moment here because quite a few of you have asked if we would let him choose, and I thought about it myself for a fleeting moment at first. I believe that there are some very good reasons not to go that route on a major decision, however. For one thing, that places a great deal of responsibility on the shoulders of a very young person. What if he doesn't like it later? He would naturally assume that he could change his mind and switch anytime. Also, if something didn't go right for him at school, who would he blame? Himself! I'd prefer he blame us. Futhermore, what would he base his decision on? I, for one, do not ultimately want the decision of where he goes to school to come down to which classroom has the better collection of dinosaurs. So no, I would not recommend letting a young child make this kind of decision for himself. I say, if you're going to let your little kid make adult decisions, start saving about $10 a week for his therapy sessions later in life because he'll need it!

But back to our story...here's the amazing thing - he cried and argued a good part of the way home, but when I told him that his new class was still in the classroom at Jefferson this afternoon (and I described all that I had seen in there) and told him that they all wanted him to come visit this afternoon, the tears just stopped and he was ready to go. I could never have predicted such a recovery. He did not even hesitate at the doorway of the new classroom, but allowed the teacher to take him by the hand and lead him in - the whole class knew there was a new student coming soon (I had called ahead!), and had been dying to meet him, so they all cheered and even knew his name before he arrived. I was amazed to see the enthusiasm of his new classmates - many of them popped out of their seats and actually shook his hand and introduced themselves...unprompted! He felt comfortable immediately. A girl showed him an empty desk belonging to a child who was absent today, and even directed him to the crayons inside the desk. He joined right in with what they were doing, and as he colored they approached him, one by one, to introduce themselves and show him some random things, like a teddy bear one had colored earlier.

After a while, I showed him around the room and he was excited about the cozy couch in the library area and all the pretend play toys he found. A boy named Edward introduced himself and showed Baxter where all the play hats were - the boys stood in a corner trying hats on each other for quite a while. The new teacher was happily surprised at how quickly Baxter was adjusting, but I told her this child used to be Mayor of the Playground so it wasn't a big surprise to me. When it was time to leave, he wanted to stay and see more of the school. On the way home, Baxter said, "Mommy? I want to stay at Jefferson. I also want to stay at Grattan." I thought that summed it up nicely.

Matt and Baxter attended Jefferson's Back to School Night tonight, which seemed to provide him with yet another level of comfort with the school, and Matt was happy with everything he saw and heard as well.

We find ourselves inspired by Baxter's enormous bravery today. I have tried to find a parallel adult experience to compare it to, but you know, nothing actually does compare because, well, we aren't 4 or 5 years old. There is a vulnerability there that most of us don't experience, no matter how many rugs are pulled out from under our feet. Next time I need to face a big change in my life, I want to remember the way he walked into that new classroom today. His smile and steady voice nearly distracted me from the traces of tears on his cheeks.

Turns out we're not the only ones experiencing some abivalence these days. Last night was Sunday, and during Baxter's bath I asked him how he felt about going to school the next day.

"Pretty okay," came his tentative response. Compared to his customary enthusiasm, this seemed like faint praise indeed.

When I gingerly probed about his feelings, he confessed that the kids don't play with him during recess. Or maybe they do; his story kept changing. He was pretty insistent that the kids who play basketball at recess don't really let him join in and that when they don't, he goes somewhere else to play by himself.

Now, Baxter playing by himself is a sight so rare that when it happens at home, I'm apt to dance with joy. But the thought of Mr. Social alone on a playground full of kindergartners makes me pretty sad.

I assured him that if he kept inviting kids to play with him, he'd soon make some good friends. And I'm sure he will. And I'm sure that my concerns are overblown and unnecessary. But still, when you hear about you kid getting ignored by other kids, it stings.

And then I think about switching him to a new school and having him go through new-kid syndrome just 10 days after he started kindergarten. Half of me says, "Poor kid...How could you do that to someone who's not even five." The other half says, "He'll do fine — the kid makes friends at the airport baggage carousel."

Just when we thought the dust had settled. Baxter started school, settled in easily, his teacher and classmates were great, and our routine had begun to feel normal.

THEN...yesterday we got a letter from the school district, letting us know that our long-shot plan of getting Baxter into our fabulous neighborhood school by placing him on the waiting list actually worked! A month ago, this would have been our dream come true! 1) It's listed among the top few schools in the city (strong academics, great enrichment programs, plenty of funding from outside sources), 2) It's 2 blocks from our house, so he can walk to school, and 3) It doesn't start so damned early in the morning (8:40-2:40 instead of 7:50-1:50).

So it does seem like a no-brainer: switch him. But what a cruel thing to do to a kid who has thrown himself so whole-heartedly into his new school! He has already become so identified as a "Grattan kid". He loves his teacher and has made friends. And I think you can't underestimate the importance of starting a new experience like kindergarten when everyone else is new, too. Walking into a class whose classroom culture has already begun to form is a bit harder. Also, for Matt and me, there's something exciting about being part of an "up and coming" school, where our participation and energy really makes a difference, and you can see the changes year after year. We have also appreciated the true diversity of the students at Grattan; Jefferson is much more heavily Asian (reflecting our neighborhood) with a smattering of Caucasian kids.

After much difficult deliberation, we are leaning towards switching him. Jefferson, at this point, has more to offer him, and the location and schedule can't be ignored. We'll go to Back to School Night at Grattan tomorrow night, visit Jefferson's kindergarten classrooms on Tuesday morning and then make our final decision. We have to enroll him by Wednesday if we want to move him to Jefferson.

I guess in the end, we got what we wanted from the district. But it is a shame that this process is so long and arduous and that the final round of the waiting list occurs after a child has made a home for himself in a different school.

Tune in for the final decision on Tuesday!

2005

So this is not so much about Baxter as it is about a welcome change that his gone-off-to-kindergartenness has created in our household. That is, that sweet little Lyle is getting a whole heck of a lot more attention.

Certainly, I knew on paper that I would have more time with Lyle this year, but to be honest I didn't think much of it; in the past that 1:1 time with Mommy has consisted of me trying desperately to give my full attention to him without thinking of all that I would need to do the second he goes down for a nap (read: work).

But, lo and behold, my big plan to slightly increase his time with a babysitter in order to get administrative work for my business done during my work days (novel concept!) appears to be working. Hooray! And that means that on Tuesdays and Thursdays, we truly have the length of Baxter's school day on our own, to do whatever the heck we want. We have just never had that luxury, Lyle and I, and I must say it's blissful.

For example - for those of you who can't quite picture what's different about it because your brains too have turned to the liquid mush of the parent of two children - when Lyle woke up from his first nap this morning we had time to get ready in a leisurely fashion. There was no large, bossy figure running circles around us, simultaneously trying to get him to laugh and me to short-circuit. No one screamed about sunscreen. No one had to negotiate about which shoes to wear, which hat he couldn't find, or when the last time was that he had gone to the bathroom.

When we were good and ready, we went to the Discovery Museum in Sausalito. It was rather quiet in the car. I could say, "Look, Lyle, a tree!" and he'd be happy for minutes on end. He happily peeked under the flaps of fabric books that he could gnaw on when he was done admiring each picture. He didn't ask me about what would happen if the Alcatraz prisoners tried to get out. He didn't want me to catalog the dangerous sea animals that just might live between that prison and the shore. I wasn't asked to turn up the Sesame Street soundtrack 4 times. In fact, I put on Dan Zanes (great family folk music that I haven't been "allowed" to put on by Baxter recently) and sang to him, which he seemed amused by. But the best part, really, was that I could play with him in the wonderful toddler area as long as he wanted...and when he was done, WE COULD LEAVE. So I've decided not to sign us up for anything, not even swimming, which I have been excited to continue with Lyle. Especially in the fall, when life gets so busy for a few hectic months, what we really need is time to play together, whenever and wherever we feel like going.

It reminds me of the old days, when Baxter was a year old and I could take him to that museum for a short outing and it was just perfect. Now I take him there for a long outing and it is just perfect, but not for Lyle. I'm glad Baxter had that time with us when he was younger, and very happy to think that Lyle is getting it now, too. Maybe not as much, but he's doubly blessed because he has something that Baxter didn't: that older brother running circles around him and making him laugh.

I feel I must publicly apologize to Baxter for last night's tirade about his horrific behavior. We knew his allergies were bad all week and that his ears were filled with fluid. However, he then came into our room in the middle of the night, crying about an earache. We went to the doctor first thing this morning and sure enough, he has an ear infection. So he was sick on top of it all. Time to go back to the ENT and get the process rolling to get those tubes inserted. Enough is enough with the ear infections.

So...sorry, Baxter, for not knowing you were sick. (You were still a bear, though.) ;-)

Wait, did I say I was looking forward to this weekend to get some rest and play time with Baxter? What was I smoking?! He has been a BEAST this weekend. Cranky. Tired. Nasty, even. Testing the limits at every turn. Turning a deaf ear on nearly all requests. Oh, sure, he's fine when we're out playing with a friend and things are going his way, but the moment the tide turns and he is asked to fulfill a less-than-exciting request: Watch Out!! The Beast Returns.

At the same time, he's clingy and wants me, me, me all the time. When I went out to the gym yesterday - timed, mind you, to coincide with his nap so I wouldn't miss any of this SUPER-FUN time with him - he cried and cried, "But I will MISS you, Mommy! Don't go! Don't go!" and later that evening when Matt and I went out for our first date alone in over a month (yikes!) he got very sad again and begged me to stay home (although it didn't last long, what with one of his favorite babysitters being here). I sort of thought that a couple of forays out of the house, when he would be sleeping anyway, were permissible. Apparently not. This is not to say that I stayed home, or even delayed my departure longer than the time it took to give him an extra kiss and hug, but it did make things more unpleasant.

But really, the clinginess is understandable with the enormity of the change that's been going on. I know the testiness is understandable too, but it's much, much, MUCH harder to take, and it doesn't make me want to spend much time with him...not at all what I expected this weekend to be like. I should add that, after a long afternoon nap today, he woke up more himself again. The sun came out - I took the boys to the playground for a short while before dinner and it was just lovely. So, I have hope for tomorrow - which is a good thing, because I don't know if I can take another day of this!

Tired = Fried

I was exhausted enough tonight while doing the dishes to notice that tired and fried use essentially the same letters, and that it would be easy enough to turn the T into an F by chopping off the right side of the crossbar and moving it left and down.

Fact is, we're all tired. New routines are taxing, sleep schedules are stubborn, and we're trying to pack more into our days. We all woke up tired this morning, and when you do that, you're pretty much set up to forget something over the course of the day. Me? I forgot my temper when Baxter wouldn't come out of the bath after 17 polite requests. Jordan had to go out to work shortly thereafter, so I spent a lot of time getting him back to a calm and trusting state of mind.

Which of course delayed his bedtime.

So we'll be tired tomorrow, too.

But the weekend will come, and if all goes well, some extra sleep will come with it.

I was finally able to get a few photos of Matt and Baxter on their way to school...very cool!

I think the biggest change in our lives (aside from the daily early morning wake-up for the adults!) is how little we actually see Baxter. Not only do we see him a lot less, but when we do see him, the time is very differently spent. In the mornings we are getting him through his new routine and he knows that if he gets things done quickly (getting dressed, inhalers, sunscreen) he'll have time to play. So far, the most he's gotten has been 10 minutes! A hint for other parents, this time-timer is extremely helpful for showing him how much time he has left before school: www.timetimer.com

Then when he comes home he wants a snack and a few minutes with me before he takes a nap. And he naps really, really hard after school - it's very difficult to get him up after an hour. We have about 45 min. of playtime before I make the kids' dinner and get them into the bath. When Matt comes home I put Lyle to bed and Matt and Baxter have a short play time together before the rest of the bedtime routine has to start. So it feels a whole lot more scheduled, which is required for him to get enough sleep. And let me tell you, even with going to bed at 7pm, waking up at 6:30am, and taking a nap in the afternoon, Baxter is d-r-a-g-g-i-n-g by today. This 3-day weekend will be welcome.

PS: We have started getting many spam comments on our blog so we've turned off the comments option. Sorry!